“We Have Two Options Medically and Emotionally: Give Up or Fight Like Hell”
~Lance Armstrong
On this day I am remembering my friend. As I stare into the picture above it is hard, to not become fixated on her eyes and her undeniable beauty. I keep asking myself…..Phyllis what are you thinking? How were you feeling at this moment? When I reflect back over the conversations and life experiences that I had with her….I realize that I was not curious enough….I didn’t take out enough time to really find out what is buried in the depths of her soul, what sadness and pain she experienced during her journey…..Don’t get me wrong we had our girl talks, played tennis together from young girls through our college years, experienced some 1st experiences together, and counseled each other on the phone…..But in the last moments leading up to her death and my last encounter with her face to face….I realized….I missed out on so much more of what Phyllis brought to the table.
The day I finally got up enough courage to go down and visit….the car ride was a challenge…tears poured from my eyes…I pulled over several times because I could not quite get control of my emotions….just the thought of my friend being near death was overwhelming…I really did not know what to expect. The reality is I have never seen the transformation of an extremely healthy person to a person that is in the process of state of transition….and this person just happens to be one of my friends. On this day…I learned more about the substance of Phyllis than any childhood…teenage….or woman conversation ever gave me. I walked in fully ready….so I thought…to put on this strong facade and composed demeanor….then I heard her piercing voice from the back room….Inga is that you? Give me a minute!!! A nurse was getting her ready….oxygen machine making a beeping sound…and her mother was pacing back and forth checking on her progress. I completely lost it again….Lack of understanding and the presence of the nurse sent me into a tail spin. Finally, I could go back….there she was.. my loud friend….Hey Girl!!!…as only Phyllis could say it. She was in the bed and smiling, oxygen on her nose, and a little drowsy from her pain meds. I sat down and she immediately began asking me how was the trip, how was I doing and then..about 10 minutes later..she began going over the plans for her funeral….tears poured down my face…she said, “Grab a tissue so that we can go over it!”…..Never complaining or giving her current circumstances much attention. I tried to replay all of our conversations and I realized…she never complained…always giving God the Glory…always fighting for another day…but Never did she complain. Never in my life have I witnessed a person Deep in the Valley of Life…smiling, fully aware of their circumstances, still praising God, and consciously instilling principles and life lessons into every person that she encountered.
Phyllis’s fight with breast cancer, the way she carried herself throughout the entire process, and even how diligent and purposeful she handled the plans of her death….gave me a new definition and symbol of strength. She defines for me, Fighting Through The Pain! She taught me and of course I am still learning….that pain lies in the Valley…there will be ups and downs…the hills may seem hard to climb…but the sun is on the other side of the mountain…I must Keep Movin to get there…but even in the midst of being at the bottom…there must be Planning, Peace, and Perseverance.
My friend taught me…in the valley…Plan, have Peace, and Persevere.
#KeepItMovin
~Inga Harmon
